Saturday, August 27, 2011

Promises


Yesterday (August 26th) my baby boy turned 2 months old! I can't believe he's already 2 months. Time has gone by too fast. I'd give anything to go back in time and enjoy him all over again. I wonder if I would do anything differently.
Some find the newborn stage difficult and overwhelming, and it sometimes is. But this has been the best 2 months of my life. Before he was born I hoped that I would be able to deal with everything. People make the newborn stage sound so horrible. They try to make you worry. Baby J has had his moments where something is wrong and I stay up all night trying to make it better, but I make myself enjoy it because so soon he will be bigger and working through his own problems. Never again will I be able to pace back and forth cuddling my baby, trying my best to make his
world right. I make myself enjoy every diaper change because all too soon he will be learning to use the potty. I enjoy every cry, every time I'm covered in spit up, every time I'm about to take a shower but can't because he needs me, every huge pile of baby laundry, every pile of diaper laundry and every time he smiles.

I will wear him close to me in a carrier because soon he will be too big and I will only be able to wear him in my heart. I will let him sleep in my bed because I don't want to miss one sigh, one cry or one breath he takes. I will not leave him in a crib, a million miles away in the next room because he's so tiny, he needs me. I will not let him cry when maybe all he wants is to be close. I will not put him down when he wants to be held. I make these promises to my little baby because I can. I can give him all of myself right now. I will continue to give all of me to him for as long as he will let me. One day he wont want hugs and kisses. One day he will want me to put him down. One day he will want to do it by himself.
I remind myself of these things every day when I'm tired. When he cries and I don't know why. When I've been alone with him all day with no help and when my head is pounding and my eyelids are heavy.
And when we finally lay down and Baby J begins to nurse, when the lights are off and he's falling asleep, when it's my turn to close my eyes and regenerate, all I do is stare at him, watching his tiny chest go up and down. One day it wont be so tiny.

3 comments:

  1. This was so beautiful!! I admire you and the way you are raising baby J! You are such a wonderful mommy!

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  2. You have such a beautiful outlook on parenting. I am so glad I get to share in your journey!

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  3. You're a kindred spirit.
    Truly.

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